New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
