OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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