Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
