Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize