I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
