p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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