She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sext me about skeletons
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
