he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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