They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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