Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
