I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
