Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
