i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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