Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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