This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
