Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
