So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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