the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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