That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
