you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
