I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
