He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
