We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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