I am spending my child support on dildos
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
