Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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