I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
