Will you blow on my dice?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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