There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize