He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
