This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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