I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
