Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
