"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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