Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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