There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
