Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
