I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fuck appropriateness.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
