Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
