i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
