Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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