Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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