both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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