How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize