after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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