When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
