i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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