Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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