I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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