I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
