Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
