Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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