This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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