How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
