dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
