I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
