____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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