I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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