I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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