Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
