i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
