You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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