I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
