We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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