YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
