I hate your face
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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